He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
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I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
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My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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