the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
