Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
