i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
