two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
