Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
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my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
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Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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