go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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