I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
