i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
