Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
third nipple confirmed
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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