I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
