and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
