your thong is hanging out like whoa
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
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I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
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You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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