Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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