some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
