I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
