My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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