She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
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