Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
