Who did Billy Mays play for?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
