He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
