Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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