I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm passing your future prison.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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