Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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