haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
