So how was he last night?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
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i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
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Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes