his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me