my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
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He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
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He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.