Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just googled if crying burns calories
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.