sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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