sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
People in love make me want to vomit
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
In other news, I just burned my penis
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes