how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dating After Heartbreak
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.