Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.