i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..