I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.