I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
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We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
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He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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