I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?