Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
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she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
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If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He? As in you personified your dick?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?