Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
