well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
