she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
