I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
you had me at cake vodka
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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