I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
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I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
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barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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