It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize