I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
