So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
