I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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