Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear