His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
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If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
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I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.