his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
