a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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