Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
