You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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