I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
