it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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