So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
