a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
