My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
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Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
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This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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