This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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