He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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