I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
