i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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