yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
