Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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