I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
