Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
