She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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