The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I FOUND THE LEGS
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
