Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I have already put on my inside pants.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
