i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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