you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40s are totally the cure
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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